Better

I can’t even tell you the number of times I have said to Gary in the last few weeks, “I’m so thankful it isn’t a year ago.” I knew going into our second pregnancy that I don’t deal well with the first year of my babies’ lives. I tried to prepare myself for it mentally, tried to remember how emotionally, physically, and mentally draining it is to have another person need you constantly. I hoped it would be different the second time around, partly because I knew what was to come and partly because I thought surely our second baby wouldn’t be as difficult as the first. (Ha!) I knew I would be in “survival mode” for months, and knew that it would be worth it in the end. And at times, I think I did deal with it as well as I could. I joined a “colic support group” online, I dreamed about the days when life would be easier, and I tried to enjoy the good moments. It certainly wasn’t all bad, and there are special memories I will always hold from that first year. But mostly, I’m so glad it’s over.

Jon at 13 months is a much easier child. He’s still a 1-year-old, with all of the challenges that go along with it. But I am able to connect with him and enjoy him in ways I never could a year ago. He loves that he can walk and climb and explore, and I love it, too. Yes, it is constant work to make sure he is safe. However, I would much rather have him exploring happily than laying frustrated on the floor, mad at all his sister can do and he can’t. He is communicating so much more with us, and I am extremely grateful for that, although it’s been a different process than it was with Lauren. She would learn a new word and then use it constantly. Jon will say a new word for a few days and then never repeat it again. I’m always left wondering if I imagined it. For example, when he first learned the sign for “please” he would say, “pea” every time he made the sign. I put that in the category of Words that Jonathan Can Now Say. But then he stopped. He still makes the sign, but never says the word anymore. Does that mean he knows it or not? I’m so confused.

But I digress. :) The point is, he is communicating with us in ways other than screaming or crying (sometimes). He uses his signs for eat, more, all done, please, and bottle. He points at things he wants. He will bring me a toy that he wants opened and make the sign for please. He will point to his mouth when he wants a snack. All good things.

I know there will continue to be ups and downs, good stages and bad, as Jon continues to grow. I am working on appreciating our “normal days,” making our celebrations extra special, and noting every new step in Jon’s development. Mostly, I am so very thankful.