I have been gradually learning over the past year and a half that being a mom to a boy is quite different than being a mom to a girl. Jonathan is so much more physical in everything he does, and often I just don't understand it. I love him dearly, but I have yet to understand him. :)
The latest issue, and the reason I'm seeking advice, is tantrums. Lauren had tantrums, too, as I'm sure all toddlers do. But Jonathan has a tantrum over every minor frustration. You can literally watch it start to happen: he gets frustrated over something he is trying to do but can't just yet, and he immediately gets mad and looks for a way to "retaliate." Generally it's one (or more) of four things: biting, hitting, screaming, or throwing. We've worked very hard at not allowing him to do any of those things directed at people--I take that very seriously! So he generally resorts to biting, hitting, screaming at, or throwing the item he is mad at. In fact, this morning he was angry because he was having trouble getting something out of his pocket. (See what I mean? Tantrums over the slightest difficulty.) He actually sat down and tried to bite his pants (and hence, his own leg!) because he was "mad at it."
I try to encourage him to use his sign for please or to say help (one of his few words) when he is having a problem with something, and then mommy can help him with it. But I feel like there should be more I can do to discourage the physical aggression. How do I redirect his anger in a different way? He should be allowed to express his feelings, right? But how does a toddler do that in a non-destructive way? I know there are moms with boys who read this blog, so now it's your turn. Send that advice my way!
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
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5 comments:
Yes, boys seem to be wired so differently than girls! I'm afraid I don't know a lot of good options. I do the same things that you're doing now (like encouraging/allowing him to hit non-people things like trees, the couch, etc.) with mixed results. I know you like to read so I'll share a book that I just finished. It's called Wild Things: The Art of Nurturing Boys. It's given me more perspective and understanding about how boys are uniquely made and how they experience the world. I wish I had the perfect answer but I will be following along to see other answers. :)
Hi Carolyn, We are in the same boat. Evan is exactly the same way. The only thing I have tried to do is to be patient and hope he grows out of it soon. Also, time outs have seemed to be successful. I put him in his room/crib for a few minutes and he seems to calm down and not to be so quick to react the same way next time. I will enjoy the advice of others too. Man, our boys sure our similar. :) Also, regarding the St. Pat's recipe, you know I don't have anything really special I usually just got the Corned Beef preseasoned (comes in a package) at the store and prepared it according to the package directions. :) Love ya and let's hope someone out there reading your blog has some good answers. :)
Let me know if you figure it out. We have been struggling with this since Connor was about a year old and it's still going on. I can tell you that he goes through phases where he seems to be making a lot of progress and I think we've outgrown a lot of the problems, and then he hits a bad stage again and we are back almost to square one.
BTW, the one thing that has helped a bit is that I can now anticipate when he will have a problem and either do something to avoid the situation or just be prepared to deal with it. But, it is exhausting to be on guard like that at all times!
I wish I could be of help. Isaac does get frustrated with little things too like putting on his shoes wrong or not being able to button his pants. And if he hurts himself, like if he falls down, then he hits himself (which I totally don't get). He's slowly getting better now that he's 4. But, probably because we can talk to him and reason together about it. I know that doesn't help you now.
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