Turning 33

I sat at our dining room table with Jonathan's new speech therapist this afternoon. She outlined her evaluation report, showing me the areas that Jonathan is behind in speech and development. She gave us some goals to set for him by the time he turns three. She is young and pretty and intelligent and competent and kind.

She is the person I want to be.

She is the person I used to be.

And now I'm the mom on the other side of the table, desperate for someone to help her son. Desperate for someone who can provide hope and solutions. Desperate in need.

I want to go back to being her.

But God doesn't want that for me. He doesn't care if I'm young or pretty. He doesn't want me to be intelligent or competent if it means I rely on myself rather than Him. He wants me to be kind--but He also wants me to be desperate. Desperate for Him.

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30