My Kindergartener

Motherhood is not for the faint of heart.

Today I sent my baby girl to Kindergarten for the first time. Lauren was so excited and nervous. She was up at 5:20am (when she usually wakes up around 7), asking if it was morning yet. At 6:30am, she came out of her room fully dressed in the outfit she had picked for the first day. (Thanks for the adorable dress, Grandma Weyel! Lauren loves it!) She had her usual oatmeal and watched Sesame Street with her brother, and then it was time to go. She had told me over the last few days that she was a little "unsure" about the first day, so we talked a lot about what it would be like. She got to meet her teacher and see her classroom yesterday, which helped a lot. And this morning I gave her a special necklace (a silver heart) that I told her was to remind her how much Mommy, Daddy, Jonathan, and Jesus love her. Whenever she felt unsure, she could just hold the necklace and remember she is loved. In the car ride on the way to school, she said, "I'm not unsure anymore!" :)The classroom was full of parents, kids, and cameras, but her smiling teacher was there to greet her and make her feel welcome. She found her hook and hung up her backpack, got her name tag from her cubby, and found the chair with her name on it. Then her friend walked in the door (who she knows from church and preschool) and she was pretty much done with Mom and Dad, ready to be on her own and be a Kindergartener. Jonathan was actually the only one of the four of us who cried when it was time to say good-bye. There were some really great toys at Kindergarten that he didn't want to leave behind!I was 15 minutes early to pick her up (I missed my girl!) which would have been fine except Jonathan was with me--and he was whiny, tired, and totally over it by the time Lauren came out of her classroom. So our poor girl had her brother screaming while we dropped her off and screaming while we picked her up. Lauren told me, "It's okay, I told my friends that my brother whines all the time." :) She was a little quiet when we got in the car, but she told me she had a good time. I think she was tired from her big morning, although she didn't want to admit it. I gave her a puzzle as a "first day of school" gift, and she and I worked on it together while Jon napped this afternoon. It was a great way to talk about her morning, and she even told me that she wished she could stay at Kindergarten all day. I told her not to worry, that she could go back tomorrow.I have so many mixed emotions today, as I'm sure any mom does. On the one hand, I am so very proud and happy. We've made it through the infant-toddler-preschool years and come out on the other side with a beautiful, intelligent, creative daughter, who is ready to be in the world but not of the world. Woo hoo! Time to celebrate!

And yet...

There goes my heart, walking into Kindergarten in the form of a little girl. A girl who needs me a little less every day. A girl who will quickly discover that Mommy and Daddy are not the center of her universe. A girl who is becoming so very independent, her own person apart from me. And I remind myself that she's not really any different today than she was yesterday, and that we've still got a long ways to go before she's ready to leave. But it feels different. It feels like I blinked and five years went by. And I don't want to blink again, for fear that the next five will go even faster.I love you dearly, my sweet Lauren. I am proud of you, I'm amazed by you, and I'm extraordinarily grateful for you. Have a wonderful time in Kindergarten.