Confession

I'm not a "baby person." I thought I was before Lauren was born, but quickly learned the truth as I dealt with my challenging baby. She required nearly-constant attention from the day she was born until she was about 18 months old. At first I assumed all babies were like this, and I just needed some time to adjust to my new role as mommy. But then my nephew was born. I remember being amazed at how my sister could just lay him on a blanket and he would calmly stare at his toys for long stretches of time. I didn't know babies could do that! Lauren was always needing something--food, entertainment, sleep, being held, etc. But knowing that easier babies were a possibility gave me hope for baby #2.

When I was pregnant with Jonathan, I actually prayed for an "easy baby." My mom had been telling me for years how easy I was as an infant, so I figured at least one of my children would take after me, right? And when he was born, the first week was heavenly. He slept well, ate well, only cried when he truly needed something... and I thought we had received the "easy baby" I had hoped for. But at one week old, he started fussing. And we're still waiting for him to stop.

We love our little boy dearly. He is adorable, spirited, seemingly intelligent, and he completes our family. We have wonderful moments with him and I feel honestly blessed to be his mommy. Yet, he is also very high-maintenance, and often just downright difficult. I recently told Gary that his first birthday will be a celebration of survival. He said, "Aren't all birthdays a celebration of survival?" "No, not his survival," I answered. "We will celebrate that we survived his first year."

Last night I was looking back at old pictures of Lauren. When I see those photos of her first year, I remember special moments with her, but I'm not really sad that those times are over. And I know I will feel the same way about this time with Jonathan.

HOWEVER... I also came across this video of Lauren, when she was about a year and a half. The really difficult times had ended and we started thoroughly enjoying our little girl. This I truly miss...

I am sad that little girl is gone, and that she has already grown so much. But I love the stage she is at now, and I am so appreciating this time with her. And I am very thankful that we have all of these good times to look forward to with Jonathan. The day will come when he can talk to me instead of cry, when he will tell me he loves me, and when we will be amazed at how much he has changed. And it is easier to remember that in the tough moments, having already gone through it with Lauren. This thing called "parenthood" is quite a ride, and I thank God for allowing me to experience every moment of it.